Phoebe: Mum, Daniel told me that he’s going to call me the eff word!
Me: [sigh] Dan, it’s not nice to call your sister the eff word.
Dan: But, mum, Phoebe called me lots of eff words!
Jared: Eff word! Eff word! I want to sing the Gay Pirates song!
Me: Dan, what do you mean Phoebe has called you lots of eff words? How many eff words are there?
Phoebe: I would never call Daniel the eff word. I would never call anyone the eff word.
Dan: [frustration increasing rapidly] But you did call me eff words. It’s not fair! I hate this day.
Me: Dan, what do you think the eff word is?
Jared: Gay Pirates! Mum, sing me Gay Pirates!
Me: [loading Gay Pirates by Cosmo Jarvis on YouTube, handing phone to Jared] Dan, seriously. What do you think the eff word is?
Dan: [bordering on sulky tantrum] …..you know them.
Me: Yeah I do, but this time I want you to tell me, so I understand what you think the eff word is.
Dan: [staring reflectively (ok, blankly)] Ummmmmmm….. I want to hear Shut Up and Dance after Jared’s turn.
Me: Daniel! For crying out loud, what is the eff word? Stop stalling!
Dan: I’ll tell you if you let me play music on your phone. I want Shut Up and Dance. And that other song you know I like.
Me: Dan, I’ll let you play whatever song you like, just say the eff word!
Dan: [thinking for a while] OK. The eff word is………
Phoebe: You’re going to let him say the eff word? That’s not fair!
Me: Phoebe [warning glance] just chill. Dan, say the eff word.
Dan: OK. The eff words are…….. Fart [giggles]. Fanny [giggles more]. Fluff. Farty-fluff-fanny [hysterical laughter].
This conversation is pretty much my life at the moment. I’m impressed though, that Daniel doesn’t know the real ‘F’ word. Especially with me as a parent.